I've noticed that alot of people have been posting stories in the Media forum, so I decided to post mine. It's an alternate history story about the Mongols (I'm really into history ). Anyways, before I get to writing the prologue, I'd like to ask two things:
-Would any GT members like to be featured in this story? If you guys do want to be in the story, PM me or post here and tell me things like personality, looks, etc.
-Also, for those of you who were featured in Sky's GT test map (release thread HERE) I was thinking of incorporating you guys into a fanon story I'm writing at the Star Wars fanon site, but I'll only do it if you guys give me permission. PM me or post in this thread. Now, on to the story:
Prologue
In the year 1260, the Mongols suffered their worst defeat at the Battle of Ain Jalut in the Middle East, and as a result, Egypt was saved from Mongol rule. Elsewhere, in the Far East, two invasions of Japan end in failure. But what if the Mongols had won at Ain Jalut? What if the Mongols had conquered Japan? What if the dream of Genghis Khan was fulfilled, and the whole known world came under Mongol rule? As our story starts, the Mongols are finishing their conquest of a newly discovered Central and Southern Africa, while Asia and Europe are kept in the iron grip of the Mongol Emperor, and a certain Chinese soldier in Mongol employ wonders where his true loyalties lie...
I know this is probably not as good as other people's stories, and the idea is a bit farfetched, but I say it's worth a shot. Questions? Feedback? Suggestions? Chapter 1 will come, don't worry...
P.S. If some of the historic stuff is a bit hard to understand, then check Wikipedia or
P.P.S. I was originally going to make this into a mod for AoE 2, but then I discovered you could mod for Battlefront
OK, so... Mongols... alternate history where they rule the world...
WHY ARE YOU THE FIRST TO COME UP WITH THIS?! Of course I want to be in this! Considering this isn't strictly history, can I be (maybe) Khan's second in command Ganstir Joto (lame pun on my screenname) or Natsen Ber (lame pun on my real name)? This sounds awesome! I was thinking about writing a fantasy set in a neo-LOTR world... maybe I'll get around to it sometime soon.
GangsterJawa wrote:OK, so... Mongols... alternate history where they rule the world...
WHY ARE YOU THE FIRST TO COME UP WITH THIS?! Of course I want to be in this! Considering this isn't strictly history, can I be (maybe) Khan's second in command Ganstir Joto (lame pun on my screenname) or Natsen Ber (lame pun on my real name)? This sounds awesome! I was thinking about writing a fantasy set in a neo-LOTR world... maybe I'll get around to it sometime soon.
Alright, I'll put you in. Just tell me what you want your character to look like and his personality. Also, I should probably mention, that Chinese soldier mentioned in the prologue is me . I did this because I happen to be half-Chinese (and my username is Chinese, it's my real middle name lol)
He should look similar to Khan, only skinnier. Likes to "go with the flow" so to speak, but realizes maybe that there is more to life than ruthless killing of innocents and I am the leader of a plot against Khan, but you are the only one I can safely confide in... LOL, if you like that, then k, but you can write it however you want.
As GT's unofficial, self-proclaimed "story guy" (Hey, I was the first ), I say: YES.
You got a really good idea there, mainly because its an alternate history that doesn't have to do with "Nazis winning WW2" or something ridiculously overused like that. Mongols own everybody else anyway.
Great idea, go with it. Don't bother making a character for me or anything. I just want to see where you go with this.
Looks promising.
1. Yes, just tell me what you want to look like, what personality you want, etc.
2. Yes, Age of Empires 2 is moddable. It actually comes with a map editor.
Ah, Battle of Ain Jalut, that was the battle won by Mamluk commander Baibars Bunduqdari Correct?
First decisive defeat of the Mongols.
Sounds cool, I love alternate history.
@Grev: Ok, you're in, just need to know what you want to look like. That's cool your tatar-mongolian. And the fact you wan to be a Russian in this story fits in with the plotline nicely (you'll see what I mean soon, don't worry).
Chapter 1 is here! I'll admit I could improve the chapter a bit, but hey*WARNING*: There is brief gory content in the following chapter
Chapter 1
Ping walked through the streets of Mogadishu. Or, more correctly, what was left of Mogadishu. The Mongols had underestimated the capabilities of the port city, and the Khan's second-in-command, Natsen Ber, had been sent to finally capture the city after a few months of siege. Many people had actually thought that Natsen was the Khan himself, but soon realized that Natsen was just a thinner looking version of the Khan. As usual, the Mongols had decided to raze the city, and Ping was now patrolling the city to take out any pockets of resistance still holding out, or to kill any potential looters. Ping looked into a house near a pier, his repeating crossbow at the ready, in case anything jumped out at him. He was then sickened when he saw the dead civilians inside and the blood splattered all over the walls. The Mongols had always done horrid crimes when entering cities, which had caused Ping to seriously question his loyalty.
Ping then decided to walk back to camp, but had scarcely walked ten paces when a spear shot out from an adjacent alley. Ping's brown eyes scanned the alley, but then a knife was thrown and knocked off the conical straw hat he was wearing. Deciding it better to just shoot randomly instead of aiming, Ping unloaded all ten of his crossbow's arrows into the alley, and heard the soft thump of a body hitting the ground. Ping then picked his hat up and placed it back on his head, wondering how someone could possibly miss him at a short distance, reloaded his repeating crossbow, and walked back to camp.
At camp, Natsen Ber made all the soldiers line up for inspection. Ping couldn't help but feel a little odd, as he was taller than most of the troops-a little shorter than six foot-and his incredible thinness gave the illusion he was an inch or two taller than he actually was. After inspection was done, Ping was about to rest in his tent until he heard Natsen calling for him.
"Ping!"
"Yes?"
"Come into my tent. We need to talk."
Ping felt apprehensive as he went into the commander's tent, believing he had commited a crime, which was punishable by death.
"Ping, I can see you're very nervous, so I'll tell you now: you're not in trouble."
"But why did you call me in here, Commander Ber?" asked a very relieved Ping. However, that feeling of relief soon was replaced by nervousness.
"I've seen how you don't murder innocents. I've seen how you always do the right thing. I've also noticed how you seem to be struggling with you're loyalties. I'd like you to join a small resistance I've setup that palns to assasanate the Khan," Natsen explained. Ping simply gawked. He could not believe the Khan's right hand man wanted to have the leader of the world killed.
"But sir, you've ordered the troops to raze the city, and how did you know about my loyalty problem?"
Natsen grinned. "I didn't want to draw alot of attention to myself, and it's not the right thing to do, and when you become Confucianist, you tend to pick up a few things. So, are you up for the job?"
"Yes, I will try and kill the Khan. Just tell me how we do the job."
"First, we go back to Karakorum. Then, you will be able to infiltrate the palace with forged documents, saying you're another noble paying tribute to the Khan, since everyone's paying tribute this time of year, and once in the the audience chamber, you'll use this device," Natsen held up a small, metallic tube, with what seemed to be an arrow inserted at a small hole at the top of the device. "And hopefully be you will able to disappear into the crowd of tribute paying nobles that will be there."
Ping raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Just how does that work?"
"All's you need to do is attach it to you back, bow, and the arrow will fire at the Khan, assuming you aim correctly. I'll also have two or three guys back you up," Natsen said assuringly.
A month or two later, when Ping and Natsen had returned to Karakorum, the capital of the Mongol Empire, the assasanation plot went into effect. Ping and two other rogue samurai that had joined the resistance against the Mongols, went into the palace, fooling the guards with their forged documents, and then proceeded into the Khan's audience chamber. When Natsen had shown Ping the resistance, he was surprised at it's diversity. There were not only Chinese loyalists, but also Korean and Japanese troops.
"Remeber the plan, guys," Ping said remindingly to his two companions. Both samurai nodded wordlessly as they entered the chamber.
"You do not look like a noble," the Khan said upon seeing Ping.
"But I come with my tribute, O great Khan," said Ping.
"Very well, give me my tribute."
Ping bowed, and let the arrow fly.
Last edited by Ping on Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
That's cool. I have been immortalized in pen! Er, keyboard. LOL. Unlike you guys though, I'm just mostly European. However, I am related to the two wives of King Henry VIII (of England) whom he didn't kill, and also George Washington's stepmother. My best friend's great-grandmother was full-blood Cherokee Indian. I saw that thing with the back-crossbow on History, very cool!
Oh yeah, Sky, I almost forgot, you saw the question I posed to everyone in your GT test map, right? Since you had a unit in there, is it okay if I incorporate you/your unit/whatever you want to call it in my fanon series at SW fanon?
Hmmm...interesting. Your story is well written, your descriptions are good, and I love the repeating crossbow, but I have one complaint: there isn't enough buildup. I would advise either lengthening Ping's joining with the rebel faction, or starting with the Khan's assassination and moving from there. Splitting taking the job and doing the job into two chapters would help a lot.
Anyway, keep up the good work.
plasmoidmonkey wrote:Hmmm...interesting. Your story is well written, your descriptions are good, and I love the repeating crossbow, but I have one complaint: there isn't enough buildup. I would advise either lengthening Ping's joining with the rebel faction, or starting with the Khan's assassination and moving from there. Splitting taking the job and doing the job into two chapters would help a lot.
Anyway, keep up the good work.
I wanted to have the assanation in the first chapter to build suspense. And also, I agree that the chapter does need to be expanded a little. If you think this is short, wait till you see how much work I need to do on my SW Fanon chapters.
plasmoidmonkey wrote:Hmmm...interesting. Your story is well written, your descriptions are good, and I love the repeating crossbow, but I have one complaint: there isn't enough buildup. I would advise either lengthening Ping's joining with the rebel faction, or starting with the Khan's assassination and moving from there. Splitting taking the job and doing the job into two chapters would help a lot.
Anyway, keep up the good work.
I wanted to have the assanation in the first chapter to build suspense. And also, I agree that the chapter does need to be expanded a little. If you think this is short, wait till you see how much work I need to do on my SW Fanon chapters.
Well, if that's the case, you should probably just start with the assassination. As it is, there really is no suspense with the act.
But, hey, this is just for fun. Do what you feel is best.
Hmmm... I'd like to be in, if you don't mind. Maybe Veran Dormof can be one of the resistance, a guy who doesn't talk much, keeps to himself mostly, and isn't the best fighter, but is smart and a very good strategist, with strong morals. Maybe a higher up in the resistance, helps Ping escape along with some of the resistance when they're discovered?
(of course all that's up to you)
PS. maybe here would be a good place for more detail, what Ping's thinking about as he travels through the palace to Khan.
Ping and two other rogue samurai that had joined the resistance against the Mongols, went into the palace, fooling the guards with their forged documents, and then proceeded into the Khan's audience chamber.
@Commander Fett: You will definitely be in the story. And I will expand Chapter 1 a bit more. My writing talents still need work. I'll write it in how you suggested, since it fits in with the story perfectly.
Also, I'll be changing the topic name a bit, since the only person who responded to this question:
-Also, for those of you who were featured in Sky's GT test map (release thread HERE) I was thinking of incorporating you guys into a fanon story I'm writing at the Star Wars fanon site, but I'll only do it if you guys give me permission. PM me or post in this thread. Now, on to the story:
was Fluffy, and I really can't write my other story until I get permission.
). Anyways, before I get to writing the prologue, I'd like to ask two things:
Of course I want to be in this! Considering this isn't strictly history, can I be (maybe) Khan's second in command Ganstir Joto (lame pun on my screenname) or Natsen Ber (lame pun on my real name)? This sounds awesome! I was thinking about writing a fantasy set in a neo-LOTR world... maybe I'll get around to it sometime soon.
I feel special.