A story I wrote

[Hebes24]

If you are knocked off the course, you are tagged 'dead'. If you are knocked out, you are tagged 'more dead'. If you get hit over the head with a wooden board, are knocked out, and then fall off the course only to be woken up when you hit the ground, you are tagged 'pathetically dead.' The only rule is: Once a recruit is dead, they are an illegal target, and if you hit them again, you are not tagged 'pathetically dead.' Your are just tagged 'pathetic'. That is all. Now, then, to split up the recruits.

That section made me laugh. Good Chapter.

[Commander_Cody771]

Yeah. Your a great Writer!

[MasterYodaGuy]

This story is awesome!
Ever consider making a book?


I love chapter three and this last chapter you made.

[swbf_lase]

If you want to, I could help you set up a website and CMS to publish a new chapter whenever you finish one. PM me if you're interested.

[STARWARSFREAK]

Chapter 6:

Day 7 of Basic Training:

Louis hit the bed with a thud. Never in his life had he thought that so much torture could be packed into one week. Every excercise under the sun had been given steroids and put into the training. But that wasn't the only surprise.

By some odd luck, Paulie had been given command of Red Team and a promotion to Sergeant due to his high entrance exam grade, and Gerardo had been given the rank of Corporal and second-in-command for his little stunt. Louis, however, was not nearly as lucky. Lt. Neal seemed to have it in for him, going out of his way to give Louis ridiculous excercises for messing up, and even worse ones if he did his task perfectly. It had been non-stop work, and it was starting to get to him. His dreams had become so vivid, he could have sworn he was there if they weren't so ridiculous.

But that didn't matter. All that was important now was bed. His vision darkened, and he slept for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.


It was short-lived...

Visions swarmed through Louis' head, visions of treachery, death and destruction...

Louis awoke with a start, and found himself on some sort of high point. A roof. He looked around to figure out where he was, and was shocked to find himself in Hong Kong.

'I must have dozed off... strange.' What was stranger, though, was the chanting that came from behind them. He turned around to find a circle of Archmage's behind him. Before he even thought, he reached for his pistol, only to find it wasn't there. He put his hand on his back to find his Rifle was gone as well. But by then he had realized the Archmages weren't attacking, so he stopped and watched.

Their chantings were growing louder, and more frantic, as the circle they sat in began to glow an unholy light. A massive shockwave tore across the cityscape from them, and knocked Louis to the ground. He wasn't even able to get up, as the wind was growing unbearable, making a howl as if the world was ending. But the howl changed, and Louis realized with horror: 'It's not the wind'

And with a flash, the Archmages disappeared, and in their place, a massive figure rose from the circle, growing ever larger and larger, the howl becoming deeper and louder, until it could have been heard across the entire planet, and just as Louis looked up to get a look at the massive creature, the building collapsed. He fell story after story, until he hit the ground with a sickening crunch. With all his remaining strength, Louis looked up, to see a what appeared to be a Huge Man, a Colossus, standing almost a thousand feet, dwarfing all the buildings of the city. It wore armor, bearing a startling resemblance to the Crusaders of old, but this was no Holy Warrior. This was a demon. With a final roar, it slashed out a sword, and the entire city fell to ruin. Everything went dark...

And Louis woke in a cold sweat. He looked around, and found himself back in the barracks, safe. However, he must have said something, because the rest of Red Team tumbled out of bed in less than a second. Paulie came up to him, the rest close behind.

"Louis," Paulie started. "you could have woken up the whole camp with that scream of yours. What happened?" But Louis was too appalled to speak, the cold sweat still dripping from his face. But it was obvious that the question had been rhetorical. Paulie already knew.

"Louis, it happened again, didn't it?" Louis nodded.

"This isn't good." Paulie said. "Come on, we need to find the Lt. Let's go." Two of the recruits helped Louis up and supported him as they made their way to the Lt's office. But on the way, they ran into a Sergeant. McConeaheagh, from the lander when they first arrived.

"Sarge!" One of the recruits yelled. "Louis needs help!" The Sarge ran over and looked at Louis.

"He needs help, now." McConeaheagh explained. "You all get the Lt. and explain what happened. I'll take Louis to the Medic Tent.

But Louis had seen something in his dream, that the Sergeant was not who he appeared to be, and would kill Louis. He tried to explain, but all he could get out were grunts and groans, which the recruits took as trauma. Just as the two, Billy and Jeremiah Cook handed him over, Louis conjured up the strength to yell "No! Traitor!" and passed out.

...

In half a second, a full squad's worth of pistols were pointed at the Sergeant's face. He was sweating worse than Louis.

"Recruits, stand down!" McConeaheagh ordered. "Can't you see he's just been traumatized by his vision?"

"Yes, he has." Paulie said. "And his visions never lie." He fired, but the Sergeant ducked, and in half a second, drew a knife and gutted Billy.

"Shifter!" Gerardo yelled, and all the recruits fired. The Shifter jumped from recruit to recruit, either knocking them out or killing them outright. One by one, they fell, until only the Shifter stood, triumphant over Louis. He drew his knife, and prepared to strike, when he heard a noise behind him: The barrel of an assault rifle cocking.

"Fire!" A voice yelled, and a thousand bullets filled the back of the assassin. He was dead before he hit the ground.

...

Louis finally awoke, to find himself on the ground, the Sergeant and 3 recruits dead, and the rest being helped up by Terminators. One of them walked up to Lous. In blue armor, a Lieutenant. But he wore no helmet. It was Lt. Neal.

"Come on, kid, we need to get you to the Medic Station. You can explained what just happened when we get there."

[plasmoidmonkey]

And so the plot thickens... Nice job.
Though I think a thousand bullets is a bit overkill. That wouldn't just kill him, he would be nothing but a pair of bloody legs with a mangled mess of tisuue where his body was.

[STARWARSFREAK]

@plasmoidmonkey: Yeah, the thousand bullet thing would be true, but it was mainly a hyperbole to give the reader a good idea of just how OWNED the Shifter got.

@MasterYodaGuy: I might make something along the lines of a novella, but I would have to wait a while to see how well it does. I might release the story in a few more places, and if it does any good there, I'll give it a shot.

Cool! I used one of my Language Arts vocab words in each answer. Yay!

[NovaBlast]

Hey man I love the story ^^ I really like the switching views. Do you have Xfire or something? I would really like to talk to you some time. I got a story of my own I would like to show you, a link is in my topic in the media forum. Good Job!

[STARWARSFREAK]

Now, then. I wonder what Matthias has been up to?

Chapter 7:

Matthias had to jog at a considerable pace to keep up with the Grandmaster, as it seemed age and demise had done nothing to slow him down. They had arrived less than an hour ago at Hong Kong, and the UMC had already taken the Southeastern District, and were moving forward at a shocking pace.

"But Grandmaster," Matthias began. "you have not yet told me, what are you planning that requires the entire Archmage Council to come to Hong Kong?"

"Ah, in due time, young one. In due time." And with that, his pace became even faster, and while he was still walking, Matthias was on the verge of breaking out into a full sprint. After some time, they arrived at a doorway, and the Grandmaster pushed it open. They went through, and were standing on a street in the Conflicted Zone of Hong Kong. Buildings were nothing but rubble, craters dotted the streets for miles, and just a few hundred meters ahead, a battle was taking place.

A full squad of Annihilators, similar to the Terminators, but with less physical strength and armor, and more focus on team tactics, took on a unit of Crusaders in melee combat.

Crusaders were the generic infantry of the Order of Godsblood. Armed with a sword and shield, and wearing the armor that is famous -- in some cases infamous -- for its history of destruction. They had little magical ability other than the ability to heal minor wounds, and casting a fireball that wouldn't even kill most Bloodless. But their strength and dexterity more than made up for that. The Crusaders dodged and weaved, easily getting around the Annihilator's defensive position, and cut them to ribbons. The Annihilators fell back, pouring fire from their rifles into the Crusaders, and dropped a good dozen before heading around a corner and disappeared.

The Grandmaster and Matthias ran up to the Crusaders, and their leader approached them.

"Noble leader, we have pushed back the foul Blood Bolts, but it has cost us many. I fear we will not survive the next attack."

"You will not need to." The Grandmaster replied. "The Council, where are they?"

"Up there, sire." Said the Crusader as he pointed to a building a few blocks away. We will assist yo--

He couldn't finish his sentance. With that, a massive slug meant for anti-tank duty split the Crusader in half. From a nearby rooftop, three massive mechs, the size of 5 Terminators jumped from the building and hit the ground, sending a shockwave into the Crusaders.

They were Dreadnaughts, the main mech of the UMC. 15 feet high, arms easily 7 feet long, and armed to the teeth with an awesome array of weapons, the Dreadnaughts were something to be feared by any sensible man.

"Get behind me, Matthias!" The Grandmaster yelled. "This will be a fight to remember!"

[Hebes24]

Nice Build up. Can't wait for the next update.

[plasmoidmonkey]

Dude! That guy got hit with an anti-tank slug?! Nice!

[STARWARSFREAK]

Chapter 8:

"Fall back!" Yelled the Captain. "Fall back!" He sprayed a clip into a Bloodmage and fell back with his squad.

The Battle for Hong Kong had descended into total chaos. Coordination was impossible, as squads wandered aimlessly, just trying to survive the near-constant attacks of the Order. Captain Ni'han, one of the few remaining Spacers - the refugees from Earth's former colonies - led Zeta Team, a squad just out of Basic. Most had been killed in the first engagements, but several had performed admirably, the most notable being one Corporal Thomas.

But this was no time for heroes. No matter what strategy they employed, the Order countered perfectly, wiping out the attacking group and shattering the newest defensive line. At this point, Ni'han and his squad were the only ones left in the district, moving from building to building, being constantly pursued by superior forces.

But it was the end of the road. They had been forced back into a small alley. They were doomed.

"Captain!" Sergeant Cornwallis exclaimed. "We've got a platoon of Crusaders moving through the building to our right!"

"Got it." Ni'han replied. "Thomas, Perez, and Lincoln! Get in there and take them out!" The three responded without question, piling up at the doorway and entered the building.

As the three creeped along the hallway, they could hear movement. Just down the hall at that door, the Crusaders were about to come in. They silently set up, awaiting them. Thomas took cover behind a corner, and kept a bead on the door. Perez waited out in the open, ready to fire on the doorway, and Lincoln quietly opened a door and snuck into the room, to stage an ambush. Mere moments after they set up, the door crashed down and the Crusaders filed in.

Perez opened fire, and with a sustained burst downed two, and angered the rest. They stormed down the hallway, paying no attention to their own losses, as they were procedurally mowed down by the trio of soldiers. However, one got off a fireball and hit Perez in the gut, knocking to the floor writhing in pain. Lincoln ran out from his spot and shot down two more, but he was overwhelmed and was cut to pieces by the sheer number of them.

"Perez, we're getting out of here!" Thomas yelled. He grabbed the Pfc., took out his sidearm and opened fire, killing three more before he ran around the corner and out of the building.

"Thomas!" Ni'han yelled. "Why did you exit, and where's Lincoln?"

"Dead, sir!" Thomas answered. "And Perez is wounded! We had to fall back before they overwhelmed us."

"Very well, Thomas. I guess we're screwed then." And with that, Ni'han slumped down and plunged his face into his waiting hands. They were finished. But Thomas then began to think, and an idea began to form.

"Sir?" Thomas asked.

"What is it?" Ni'han replied.

"If we're going to die either way, we might as well go out fighting. I suggest a full-out assault, throw everything we have at them." Ni'han stood, and for the first time in a while a smile came to his face.

"Well, Thomas, this is either going to save some of us or kill all of us, but hey, I'll give it a shot. Listen up, soldiers! We're moving out! Take everything that can shoot or kill, leave the rest behind!"

Less than a minute later, 13 UMC soldiers rushed from a tiny alley in a backwater district, and began to turn the tide. Zeta Team opened fire, cutting down many of the order out in the open within a minute, and sending the rest running for cover. They charged, but the Order countered, sending various missiles through the air and cutting down several of them. The firefight raged on, until only Ni'han, Thomas, Perez, and Cornwallis remained, trapped behind a pile of rubble.

"We're trapped!" Cornwallis exclaimed. "We've got nowhere to go. We're dead." But then the radio crackled to life for the first time.

Zeta Team, this is Hong Kong HQ. We have received word you are under heavy fire, and we are sending reinforcements, over.

Ni'han paused. "What kind of reinforcements?"

A Collosus.

[Hebes24]

Nice action scene. Keep up the good work!

[STARWARSFREAK]

Chapter 9:

In the Officer's Tent, Lt. Neal listened patiently as Louis went through his dream from beginning to end, and the encounter with the Shifter agent. When Louis finally finished, the Lt. got up and sighed.

"All right, Louis. That's a bit much to take in, but if I'm understanding you, all of Hong Kong is about to be destroyed by some monster the Order's gonna conjure up. And apparently, the Shifters are in on this somehow, otherwise they wouldn't have sent an agent to specifically target you. At this point, our options are pretty limited: Stay here and wait to die, if your vision is true, that is; or we can head for Hong Kong with 30 recruits with no combat experience, just a combined total of 7 weeks of training. Either way, it won't end well, but I think it's only fair to let you decide what to do."

Louis paused. He had no idea how to handle this. Apparently Neal had known about his dreams the whole time. Now the training finally made sense. But more important was what to do now. However, that choice was obvious.

"Sir, we're going to die most likely either way. I say we go to Hong Kong. At least then we'll have a chance to fight them head-on."

"All right, then." Neal said. "All able-bodied soldiers, make your way to the Lander Hangar; we're hauling out now."

In less than an hour, 200 soldiers stood before the Landers. Neal explained the situation, and they began to pile in. By the crack of dawn, two dozen Landing Ships left New Zealand. Aboard one of them was the man who would change the tide of the war.

----

Thunk

The entire courtyard shook every three seconds, as patterned shockwaves battered the pinned-down UMC.

"What the hell is that, Ni'han?!" Cornwallis yelled.

"The reinforcements!" And with that, the building they had fought so hard to defend was crushed underfoot possibly the most powerful creation in the history of mankind. Standing 500 feet into the air, bristling with every weapon in the UMC's possession, and the absolute pinnacle of Human Innovation, stood the Blood-Red Collosus-Delta mech. They were, in theory, a much larger Dreadnaught, but that wasn't the half of it.

On its shoulder, a rack of TOW missiles fired, decimating an entire armoured column, and from its left hand came a hail of anti-armor shells, battering an entire Battalion of Crusaders into the dust. Bloodmages fired bolts of lightning, shards of ice, anything that could damage the thing, but nothing stopped it. Finally, two Conjurers dug their hands into the ground, each using pure Blessed Aura (Energy) to form a pattern of a dragon: A ferocious red dragon of fire, and a crafty white dragon of ice. From the circles came two dragons identical to the carvings.

The Fire Dragon shot a flame of molten lava into the chest of the Collosus, completely covering it in magma. Then, the ice dragon fired a jet of water at it, cooling the magma to rock. The Collosus was encased in stone.

"Lot of good that did us!" Thomas yelled.

"Just wait and watch." Ni'han replied.

And on cue, the stone statue began to rumble, and with a thunderous roar the Collosus broke free, firing a concentrated beam of energy directly into the fire dragon, vaporizing it. Then, as the ice dragon swooped in on it, an unrelenting steel hand caught and threw it directly into the building containing the Conjurers, killing the last Bloodmages in the square. Down in the center, four tiny, insignificant soldiers cheered the Collosus on as it moved on to eliminate the nearest target: A gathering of Archmages on a nearby rooftop.


UPDATE: I decided now was the time to make an announcement, because people are gonna start dying real soon. I just want to say now that of all the characters introduced so far, TWO are going to survive to the end of the story. I won't say who, but just keep that in mind

[Hebes24]

Great Chapter. Very cool action sequence.

Interesting announcement. Can't wait to see who survives.

[STARWARSFREAK]

Aw, crap, didn't I tell Grievous797 to keep this thread alive while I was gone? Oh, well, sorry about the wait (for anyone that still reads this.) Here's

Chapter 10:

Matthias rolled away as the Dreadnaught brought his fist down on where he was nearly a second before. Matthias conjured a wind disc and fired, but to no effect. The disc simply hit the Dreadnaught and dissipated. The dreadnaught's fist began to spin, and prepared to punch. Matthias ducked, and the behemoth of a machine hit the Crusader standing behind him, sending the poor man through a wall.

Seeing a chance to counter, Matthias dug his hands into the ground and wove an image of half a dozen wolves. The image began to shine, and Six White Wolves rose from the circle. "Wolves, attack!"

The pack charged forward, jumping on to every spot available on the Dreadnaught, ripping and tearing it to pieces, until nothing was left. The wolves howled, disappointed at the lack of meat, and returned to Matthias' side.

Meanwhile, the Grandmaster pointed at the ground, and pointed, up, and a massive point of rock rose from the ground, impaling the second Dreadnaught. The Grandmaster was powerful, but he was old. He collapsed on to one knee, and Matthias ran to him.

"Don't worry about me, boy! We must get to the top of the tower! The Archmage council is waiting for us." But at that moment, they became surrounded. Terminators arrived in Cougar Transports, Landers, Viper Choppers, anything that carried Terminators dropped off a full platoon. Within Thirty seconds, they were backed against the wall by almost a thousand Terminators, all pointing thier rifles at the Grandmaster's head. A Terminator in Green Armor, a Captain, marched to the front.

"Bloodmage freaks, we have you trapped! Surrender and we will peacefully arrest you and take you in to custody." Matthias' wolves began to growl with a marked viciousness. "Come on now," the Captain pleaded. "this doesn't have to get violent. Just put your hands up and--"

"Fine." The Grandmaster said. Matthias, the wolves, and even the Terminators looked at him with shock. As he said, his hands were raised up into the air. "My hands are up..." and as a Sergeant stepped forward, the Grandmaster dug his hands back into the ground. "And now they're not!"

In less than a second, a massive image of a black dragon had been formed, and from it came a dragon larger than the White House. When it roared, a wave of superheated air came from its mouth, and incinerated the Sergeant. "Matthias, your wolves!" The old man yelled.

"Right!" Matthias answered. The Wolves charged forward, killing the Captain and several others. All hell then broke loose, as the creatures beat down any Terminators that came near the two Bloodmages. Seizing their chance, the two rushed into the building. After several minutes of running, they finally reached the top. There, they found the Archmages. The ceremony had already begun. They were all in a circle, growing more pale and feeble by the moment, as the circle grew bigger. Soon, the entire building was covered in a strange image of a massive figure. Then, Matthias recognized it: The True Collosus.

"Behold, Matthias!" The Grandmaster yelled over the wind, that became darker and louder with every passing second. "Behold the might of God! The greatest weapon of the Order is awakening, my friend! Soon, the Bloodless will be destroyed, and the world will belong to those that follow the true path!" But by now, Matthias was not listening to the Grandmaster. All he could hear was the terrible rumbling that had replaced the wind. The building began to shake, and the combatants below stopped to look at the marvel happening above. Finally, a Sergeant Terminator broke free of the spellbinding sight and pulled out his radio.

"Command, this is Sergeant Keith Cunningham! Send all available reinforcements to Building 0-7-A-9-Delta at Block 27-B! We've got a Defcon 3 emergency over here!"

Within a minute, A Collosus had arrived, but couldn't attack the building. The pilot was awestruck. Out of the building, a figure began to rise, even only three-quarters out larger than the Collosus. The thing unleashed a terrible roar, and the entire block was leveled.

...

Matthias was no longer awestruck, but horrified. This thing was no holy being. It was a monster. And even now, it became apparent that it was incredibly powerful, as even its voice caused destruction. The sky turned black, and a terrible thunder rocked the Earth.

"Grandmaster, what have you done?!" Matthias called, as the Archmages in the summoning disappeared, their lifeforce sucked into the huge being. "You have not summoned the power of God! You have summoned the Devil Himself!"

"Matthias, you are misguided!" The Grandmaster yelled. "If you want good to come, you must be willing to fight for it!" He broke out into a maniacal laughter, because as he was finished speaking, the True Collosus came to life, and stepped from the building. It hit the ground with a deafening thud, and rocked the entire world. The Collosus opened fire, showering the beast with every weapon it had, but it was not enough. The Collosus absorbed it all, and effortlessly grabbed the UMC Collosus. Lifting it up into the air, it grabbed the legs with its other hand, and ripped the thing in half. The greatest achievement of mankind's known history lay on the ground, a smoking piece of scrap.

...

The group of Landers sped over Hong Kong as fast as they could, as they had received a distress call asking for reinforcements, and Neal's group had answered. Louis' squad and Neal were together on the Lander, as they split up from the rest of the group. They were to be a distraction as the main group came around from behind. They weaved and dodged through skyscrapers miles up into the air. However, something was wrong. A rhythmic thudding began to rock the Lander.

"Hey, Lieutenant!" Gerardo called. "What's that sound?"

"I have no idea, Corporal." The Lt. Replied. He waved at Louis, signaling him to follow, and went into the cockpit with the pilot.

"Hey, Ricky, any idea what that beating is?"

"Hell if I know, Neal. If the Order's involved, it could just about... Oh [blam!]!" At that very moment, a massive figure came around a building.

"That's it, Neal!" Louis said. "That's the thing in my vision!" The thing pulled back a giant sword, ready to swing.

"Oh, Jacobs, of all the times for your dreams to come true-"

And with the metal of the entire Lander gnashing, Louis blacked out.

[JackSkratch]

Just as a helpful tool, heres a map I made.

Order of Godsblood = Purple
Shifters = Blue
United Mechanized Corporation = Red
Unhabitual = Green
Fate Unknown (as of yet) = Yellow

You'll notice that I gave eastern Canada to the Shifters. Thats just makes the most sence. Also, you'll see that some islands have fate unknown. Some islands, like Sri Lanka and Madacascar, obviusly belong to the Order, but others that are either harsh climates (Northern Islands) or likely for nuclear attack during the war (British Isles, Japan, Cuba) are left fate unknown. If I have anything wrong don't hesitate to correct me. I'm just trying to be helpful.

[STARWARSFREAK]

Wow, thanks for the Map, JackSkratch! The map is actually pretty correct. However, at one point London, England will come into the story. (But it's pretty much a wreck.)

And for Plasmoidmonkey, the machines that you see, many are leftovers of previous planet's resources. Unlike Humanity in Halo, the UMC wasn't stupid, and when they evacuated their planets they took all the resources they could carry. And the demon-Collosus is supposed to be overpowered. It's the single most powerful creature in known lore. This was one of the weaker Collosus mechs that got destroyed. Most of them aren't that careless, so don't worry, it will be a better fight next time. And don't worry, there is no "weak spot", but with the right ordinance, even this thing can go down. Oh, and remember that "Ultima Disease" no one really noticed? It's about to become very important. Oh, and thanks for the compliment on the wolves. I figured Matthias needed some kind of spell to keep him on par with the UMC forces.

[STARWARSFREAK]

I don't really like to double post, so if you've read my chapters please comment. Thank you, and here's

Chapter 11:

Gerardo slowly came to. He had no idea what had just happened, but the entire Lander had been ripped in two. It was a miracle he was even alive, made apparent by the seven corpses scattered around the crash site. He heard footsteps, and a figure appeared over him. It was Paulie, who helped him up.

"Thanks, buddy. What happened?"

"No idea." Paulie responded. "The Lander got ripped in two. We have 19 survivors in the warehouse east of here."

"Is Louis there?" Gerardo asked.

"No. But he isn't dead. Far as I know, anyways. Can't find him or the Lt. Pilot's missing, too. They won't answer radio and their transponders were logged off about a minute after the crash. I don't know if they're dead, but it doesn't look good." Gerardo's heart shrunk three sizes that day. His best friend was as good as dead, and even if he was alive, they were all in a warzone. Paulie saw the look on Gerardo's face, and tried to distract him.

"Come on. We're the only two NCO's left. Those soldiers need leaders, and they'll be counting on us. Let's move, Corporal." The two turned towards the warehouse and began the longest march of their lives.

----

Louis' head beat like a drum. Whatever had happened during the crash, it had left every inch of his body wracked in pain. Slowly, he mustered his strength and looked to his right. The pilot was dead, his head smeared all over the controls. His stomach should have rebelled, but he was just too weak to move. He looked outside, looking for any sign of Neal. He found him, but in the worst way. A huge pile of rubble rested just to the side of the Lander, and out of it stuck a cobalt blue gauntlet. The one worn by Lieutenant Marcus Neal.

This was fantastic. Louis was alone in a warzone, his squad nowhere to be found, the pilot, his only ticket out, was soup, and Neal was buried under ten tons of rocks. He was on the verge of tears when he heard a sound. Faint, at first, but it steadily grew.

Footsteps

Finally, the source of the sound came into view. A young man, not even 30 stepped into view. He was covered in a black trenchcoat, leaving nothing revealed but his face, remarkably pale. His eyes were shielded by a pair of sunglasses, but even then the piercing eyes behind them were obvious. His hair was a dirty blonde color, and untidy, making it obvious how long he'd been away from civilization.

The man approached him and extended his hand.

"Come on, Louis, get up. We've got work to do. Come with me." His voice was calm, nearly a whisper, yet loud and calm at the same time. Louis began to get up when he saw it. The hand in the rocks began to twitch. With a loud crash, Neal burst from the rocks, hardly a scratch on him. He pointed a pistol at the back of the man's head.

"No way, Shade. This one stays with me." The so called Shade then began to chuckle. Again, only very quietly. He spoke again.

"Well, well, Marcus, it has been some time, hasn't it? It's rather hard to believe that it's been a year and you're still a Lieutenant. You have more skill than that. You should be well on your way to a general by now."

"I have my reasons, Shade." Neal replied.

"Of course, Marcus." Shade continued. "If you were a General, you would have no time to look after Louis. But come on, Neal. We both know how it works. He's received the vision, and you know I can find him after that. He was born to be an Ultima, Neal. Just like you. However, for the sake of humanity, I cannot let this boy go."

"What do you need him for, Shade?" Neal asked, his pistol still raised to Shade's face, now turned towards him. "You've already taken Rebecca, your numbers are full! Why should I let you take Louis too?"

"Because, Marcus..." Shade paused, and for a moment, a slight emotion flashed on his face. "Rebecca is dead."

[Taivyx]

Holy sweet mother of ...........

Just wow.
I haven't been following this story, but after reading just this page, I'm stunned.
This is just too freaking awesome to describe.
Better than any action novel I've read. Even ones by Tom Clancy.
I would say keep up the great work, but this is obviously not great. It's the best I've seen as of yet.