More stories by plasmoidmonkey

[Hebes24]

Kirby's line was hilarious! Great chapters. This is probably the most amazing group of heroes ever.

[Taivyx]

Awesome! Kirby is the life of this group.

[plasmoidmonkey]

Awesome! Kirby is the life of this group.

He doesn't really do anything else, so why not?

[plasmoidmonkey]

Sorry for the long wait. Here's the next chapter!

CHAPTER 9

The room beyond was a massive hall, bordered by columns twenty feet thick. Everything was plated in either silver or purple and covered in Covenant script.
And there were roughly five hundred Elite, Brute, Locust, and Space Pirate Commando Honor Guards there, all glad in black and silver armor. They bristled with every kind of high-end weaponry their races had to offer. And they looked really pissed off that a group of heroes had made it this far into their base.
A single Elite walked forward and ignited his energy sword.
“Rapraos jos’Quanta loL ur’pani ma’r’gota! Wortal gug’munkur!” He roared, which, translated from Sangheili, means “We’re really pissed off you heroes have made it this far into our base! Now you die!”
The next two seconds were a blur. Toph slammed a foot on the floor, sending ripples through the horde, knocking most off balance. Master Chief and Kirby began shooting at them, while Samus did the smart thing and fired some super missiles at the ceiling. The silver metal cracked noticeably before collapsing, crushing the majority of the Honor Guard under several tons of debris. Cloud and Link rounded up the survivors and quickly slew them.
“Well, that was anticlimactic.” Toph said, noticeably disappointed that she had fallen into one of plasmoidmonkey’s signature anti-climaxes.
“Just wait until the next room.” Samus said. “The Prophet of Doom is waiting for us.”
“Wouldn’t he have moved by now?”
“He’s called the “Prophet of Doom”.” Cloud said “I don’t think he’s completely sane.”
“I guess so.” Toph jerked her arms out, parting the mountain of rubble in two like Moses parting the Red Sea. The heroes continued on their way. You could say that they “were off to see the Prophet! The Prophet, the Prophet, of Doom! If ever if ever a Prophet of Doom there was the Prophet of Doom is one because because because because because becauuuuuuuuuuse, of all the doom he brings to us! We’re off to see the Prophet, the hideous Prophet of Doom!”

Enjoy.

[Taivyx]

HAH!
Love that last line!

[Hebes24]

HAH!
Love that last line!

Me too, Hilarious!

[plasmoidmonkey]

Here's the next and last update of this story.

CHAPTER 10

The throne room of the Prophet of Doom was built much like the hall before it, except it was circular, smaller, and the ceiling was much higher. There was nothing in it except for a raised pedestal, the Prophet, and his totally awesome big kahuna chair (with spikes) (and a CUP HOLDER!).
“Well, if it isn’t some ragtag group of heroes come to usurp my rule.” He said, bored as hell, and, suprisingly, in a perfect imitation of Arnold Schwartzenegger. “Why are you waiting? Are you expecting me to tell you my motives in some overly-long monologue with intermittent flashbacks that have absolutely no purpose than to irritate the reader?”
“No. We just think it’s funny to hear you talk.” Toph said, looking not at the Prophet, but behind him, a couple feet over to the left, as since his chair was hovering, she had no idea where he was except for his voice.
“What? You think I’m funny?”
“Hilarious, actually.” Cloud said, not showing any amusement at all. Link nodded in agreement. “Hilarious that you’re so confident for someone with no guards and is frail enough to have Master Chief here snap you in two with his pinkie toes.”
“Hey! I might be frail enough to be shattered by a SPARTAN’s toes, I might have a unsightly purple rash in my left armpit which has been there since 8th grade, I might be totally off my rocker, and I might have gotten run over by my girlfriend, on the FIRST DATE, mind you, with a BULLDOZER, but I am in charge here!”
“How so?” Master Chief asked, waiting for his inevitable and hilarious response.
The Prophet lifted his arms dramatically and smiled insanely.
“I HAVE EXPLODING CLONES!!!!!!!!”
Just then the ceiling opened up and hundreds of exploding clones fell out, and, well, exploded. The heroes were saved only by the quick thinking of Master Chief, which was simply running back into the big hall they had just come from. After the clones had finished asplodin’, the heroes reentered the room.
“That was cheating!” The Prophet pouted.
“Plasmoidmonkey’s writing this. What do you expect?” Samus said amused.
“Oh, that is an excellent point. Curse you plasmoidmonkey! Curse you and your anti-climaxes of undue and outrageous hilarity! Curse jooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Pausing his rant, he looked up. “Oh. Well. [word not allowed].” For right above him was one of the largest pieces of rock mankind had ever seen.

LIEK OMG ROCK!!!!

And as you probably already guessed, Toph smashed him with it.

KA-MOUNTAIN!!!!!

plasmoidmonkey cracked his knuckles and sat back in his chair. Another story done. Addressing his friends on Gametoast, he said,
“Well, there you go. It did end up being a bit more comic at the end than I had planned, but, whatever. Tune in next time for the first chapter of my next story, VS. But before I go…” he reached down a grabbed a gravity hammer from the floor. “GIVE ME BACK MY COMPANION CUBE!!! I KNOW YOU TOOK IT, GUYS!!!”

Note: I do not own Portal, but any jokes referring to the Weighted Companion Cube are just too good to pass up.

Enjoy.

[plasmoidmonkey]

Sorry I haven't updated in almost a week. I have it ready, just getting the file to a computer with internet is tough. (I woulda had it today if I han't forgotten my shiny new jump drive at home ) So just be patient, I should update by Friday.

[plasmoidmonkey]

Here you go, the intro and first chapter of my next story!

CHAPTER 0

As you all should know, the pirates and ninjas have been at war ever since the internet was created. This is the chronicle of their world, and of the Pirate-Ninja Wars.

FACTIONS

The AoNV (Alliance of Ninja Villages)

Ninjas- The smallest of the factions and allied to no one, they are silent, deadly, and most importantly, not brightly clad or prone to flashbacks.

The Jolly Roger Coalition

Pirates- The sworn enemies of the ninjas, pirates are, loud, flamboyant, dirty, foul-smelling, and oftentimes drunk ragamuffins, plunderers, and marauders.

Vikings- Vikings are loud, often flamboyant, dirty, foul-smelling, and oftentimes drunk plunderers and marauders with axes who are totally BADASS!

RNA (Robots ‘n Aliens)

Robots- They’re big, they’re metal, they have buzz saws for hands and shoot lasers from their eyes.

Aliens- They’re aliens. What else do you need?

The Undead Legions

Vampires- They’re in ur castle, and vant to suck ur bloods.

Werewolves- Mercenary humans by day, rabid wolves with really bad attitudes every full moon by night.

Zombies- Hordes of undead corpses who want to feast on your brain.


CHAPTER 1

The pirate ship Rusty Guzzler had docked in the small crescent bay, anchor down, sails furled for the night that had just begun to set it. From the looks of it, the crew had gone to the port’s taverns to drink the night away, leaving only a few tired guards for their post.
Were Kado not a ninja, he would have thought it was too easy. The seventeen-year old was, like all ninjas, tall and leanly muscular, and clad in a close-fitting outfit of black and grey. A mask and hood concealed all but his eyes and the tips of his bangs. He and four other ninjas crouched in the trees on the cliff at one side of they bay, right above the ship. Kado made a swift hand movement, and the squad jumped down, silent as the shadows they were.

Scruffy McVandal hated guard duty. While the rest of the crew were off drinking the night away, he was stuck on board the ship, guarding their “cargo of utmost importance” with Smelly Fungusfoot, the ship’s malodorous cook, and Dumby the Dumb, who couldn’t tell a bottle of booze from his revolver, and actually had the hole through his lower jaw to prove it, and a half dozen other generic, two-bit ne’er-do-wells.
The fourteen-year old pirate looked like most other pirates: Baggy pantaloons, a gigantic hat with a huge feather in it, a bandanna tied around his head at a jaunty angle, a sash belt stuffed with an array of cutlasses and revolvers. At the moment he was leaning over the rail of the Rusty Guzzler, listening to the far-off noises of the rest of the crew.
The sound of a gunshot from the poopdeck caught his attention.
“Looks like Dumby confused his gun with his grog again.” He sighed. “Better go make sure the fool hasn’t killed himself this time.”

Kado struck down the pirate easily. The revolver shot had been a total miss, and left him wide open. The rest of his squad had already taken out the rest of the guards and were busy retrieving the ship’s cargo. Or so he thought.
“What the hell is going on here?” A gruff, albeit young, pirate voice yelled as the pirate in person walked up the steps, only an arm’s length from the ninja. It was a young teen boy in a ridiculous floppy hat. Seeing the ninja before him, the pirate pulled out a pair of revolvers. Kado paid them no mind, as he had analyzed all of their possible trajectories and had already devised a dozen ways to disarm and kill the young scalawag. But before he could act, a harsh metallic voice boomed from the dark.
“THREATENING ULTIMATUM: You are surrounded. Put your hands up in the air. Attempt escape and you will be vaporized, sweaty meatbags.” A ring of at least twenty robots with laser guns and various blades had surrounded the pirate and ninja. Kado could have easily taken them all, but these robots had been adapted to fight ninjas: they blew up when you destroyed them. The ninja reluctantly raised his hands above his head, as did the pirate kid.
“Well, this is a fine mess you got us into, eh matey?” The pirate said. Kado was silent. In one lightning-swift movement, he punched the kid in the face, who crumpled to the deck unconscious. Kado hated pirates, and annoying kid pirates were no exception to his rule.

Enjoy.

[plasmoidmonkey]

Hey, where's everybody gone? There hasn't been a reply in ages, even after the big finale of the crossover. Ah, well. Here's the next chapter.

CHAPTER 2

Scruffy woke up in a small metal cell with a forcefield and a titanium blast door blocking the exit. Lifting himself off of the cold steel floor, he realized that his revolvers and cutlass had been taken from him. Next to him, still KO’d on the floor, was the ninja he had been captured with. Scruffy looked disdainfully at the black clad assassin.
“Nice job, matey. If it weren’t for you, I’d be back on the Rusty Guzzler playing cards with the rest of the crew and wiping the floor with ‘em.” He pulled back his foot to kick the prone body.
The ninja, who was not really unconscious at all, sprung up and slammed Scruffy into the wall, pinning him by the neck with his arm. With his other hand, the ninja reached down and pulled out a kunai, which he held a half-inch from the pirate’s jugular.
“Nobody gets the better of Kado Razajin, especially not a little brat like you.” Scruffy let out a few strangled gurgles before he was dropped to the floor. Kado disappeared in a black blur, reappearing outside the cell. He then ran down the cell block and out of sight.

Kado made his way out of the cell block into the main robot facility, keeping to the shadows. It was not as easy as sneaking aboard the pirate ship, but the robot’s security was no mach for him. Unfortunately, he couldn’t just pop into storage and pick up his weapons: they’d probably been melted down and made into a cleaning droid by now. That left him with the kunai that he had kept in a rather secret and rather unmentionable place. He’d have to get out of the robot base and back to a ninja village to resupply.
The ninja darted past a security camera. Were anybody to look at it, it would simply look like a shadow made by a computer console had jumped into the picture at 4:33.12.
But robots are not just anybody.

Scruffy sat in his cell for a long time. He didn’t know how long, as there were no windows that he could see and his internal clock had been totally messed up. It didn’t help that he was hungry and knew that there would be no food, or that there was no way he could get out. Unlike that ninja, Kado, he couldn’t simply teleport out.
After whatever endless amount of time he had stayed in there, he heard someone enter a code on the other side of the blast door.
“Great. Here comes the torturer. Okay, remember, Scruffy: name, rank, and what you had for breakfast last Monday. Nothing else. Tell them nothing about the cargo.”
The blast door slid open and the forcefield powered down. Scruffy looked up to see, not a torture-droid, but a silvery android. It was very human like, modeled off of a young woman, and very accurate, even down to the plastic-encased circuitry that looked very much like hair.
“Expecting something else, organic?” Scruffy instantly knew something was up. This robot spoke almost indistinguishably from a human, and didn’t say the type of sentence it was before saying it. “You aren’t in danger.”
Scruffy didn’t move. There was no way he could fight the robot off with his own hands, and running past her into the hall was pure folly as she could easily blast him into a small pile of ash. This new robot torturer was nothing like what the rest of the crew said.
“You think I am a torture-model?” The robot said. “No. I am MKO-90, Experimental Human Replica Combat Droid.”
“So you aren’t here to blast me into a small pile of ash?”
“Hardly.” The robot seemed amused, which should be impossible for a robot to be. “I am here to help. If you require an explanation, a glitch in my manufacturing programming accidentally activated the morality complex in my AICPU. Now, if you are done here, I believe we must go.”
Scruffy was astounded. He had found a robot who could feel. And it was a hot robot chick to boot.

And if you feel charitable, please post something.
Enjoy.

[Hebes24]

Sorry, man. I've had a ton of Homework to do/Tests to study for. I just got around to reading this now.

Great start to the story, I love the Ninjas and Robots. (Do I detect a hint of HK-47? ) Love to see more!

Sorry again, very stressful weeks ahead.

[plasmoidmonkey]

Sorry, man. I've had a ton of Homework to do/Tests to study for. I just got around to reading this now.

Great start to the story, I love the Ninjas and Robots. (Do I detect a hint of HK-47? ) Love to see more!

Sorry again, very stressful weeks ahead.

No problem. We all have a life outside of GT. *curse you real life!*

And as for HK-47 influences... let's ask him!

Statement: I can not possibly believe that even you, a sweaty organic meatbag whose only purpose is to pop up in my targeting reticule, would even think of such a thing. I have no affiliation with this inane form of meatbag entertainment, which is far less exciting than punching a hole through someone's skull with a well placed bolt of high grade plasma, nor do I want to have anything to do with this plasmoidmonkey and his insane ramblings. Now good day to you sir. Now I have to go kill something to relieve my irritation.

[/rant]

[Hebes24]

LOL.

[Taivyx]

XD that was a perfect imitation, plasmoid.

[plasmoidmonkey]

XD that was a perfect imitation, plasmoid.

Not the first time on this site that someone's told me that.
Anywho,

SPECIAL BONUS STORY

This update has nothing at all to do with my current story, which will be continued next time, but is a rather fun one-shot story. It’s based on a drawing my younger brother did of a bunch of Super Smash Bros. characters waiting for the bus that will take them to Brawl. All credit for the idea goes to him. *applause*

“See anything?” Luigi said as he shielded his eyes from the sun and looked down the lonely road.
“Nope.” Mario, who was standing on Luigi’s head and looking down the road in the other direction.
“How long have we been waiting, anyway?”
“Hell if I know.” Snake butted in. “How long until the bus comes?”
“Pika pika!” Pikachu exclaimed, which translates into “too long”.
“Ugh.” Snake grumbled as he lit another cigarette.
“Snake! You’ll kill yourself if you keep that up!” Peach scolded him.
“Put a sock in it, missy. I’ve already had to put up with you for hell knows how long.”
“Hey, where’s Kirby?” Link said through his subtitles. “He was supposed to bring the pizza half an hour ago.”
“You should’ve sent me.” Sonic said from atop the phone booth.
“You would go so fast you would pass the place fifty times before you realized that that was where you were supposed to go.” Link opened up his wallet. His jaw dropped. “WHERE’S MY MONEY?!” He turned to Samus, who was standing next to him in her Zero Suit. She rolled her eyes and snapped her plasma whip at Capt. Olimar, who was jabbering away on the phone, balancing on a tower of Pikmin. “YOU ARE DEAD, OLIMAR!” Link jumped at the phone booth, tore open the door, and grabbed Olimar by the neck and started throttling him, shaking him around wildly.
“S-s-s-sorry!” Olimar squealed. “The phone only took rupees! Aaaaaah!!”
The Pokemon Trainer yawned as he turned to Meta Knight, who was standing beside him.
“How come you aren’t tired? None of us have gotten much sleep lately.”
Meta Knight looked him in the eye.
“Does it really look like I sleep?” He said blandly.
“Good point.”
“Pika! Pika pika chu!” Pikachu squeaked, pointing down the road. Translated, he said “Hey! Kirby’s back!”
And so he was. Kirby had returned, bearing a stack of pizza boxes taller than him.
“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!” He exclaimed.
“Took you long enough.” Sheik said as she opened the top box. “Hey! This box is empty!” She opened the next one. “And this one too!” With ninja-like skills she ripped through all the other boxes. All were empty. Kirby stood there sheepishly, now with a brand new coating of cheese, tomato sauce, pepperoni, sausage, various vegetables, ham, pineapple, and mushrooms. All the other characters stared at him angrily.
“I bet he has a crusty inside.” Snake said as he pulled a trusty missile launcher from his back pocket. Link drew the Master Sword. Ike pulled out his blade. Samus charged her stunner. Sheik whipped out a six foot length of razor chain. Pikachu energized his cheeks. Mario and Luigi took Super Mushrooms from their pockets. Everybody else got ready for a fight as well. Kirby gulped and stared at them for a few seconds before sprinting down the road, screaming.
“Get him!” Diddy Kong yelled as the mob ran after him. While running, Mario turned to the reader.
“We’re starting early. So sue us.”

[Hebes24]

Haha, Nice! Very funny.

[Taivyx]

Agreed, I had a nice laugh at the end, awesome!

[Grev]

Funny! I dont even know half the characters and that made me laugh like crazy!

[plasmoidmonkey]

Well, here's the continuation of my VS story. It is a tad short, though.

CHAPTER 3

Kado had easily escaped the robot base and was now in the armory of the nearest ninja village. All around him were the many various instruments of silent death that ninjas used on a regular basis. At the moment, he was busily replenishing the weapons he lost when the robots captured him: sixty collapsible shuriken, thirty-five collapsible kunai, two hundred feet of trip wire, ten yards of razor wire, three katanas, a collapsible scythe, a hundred page packet of exploding notes, two hundred senbon needles with wrist magazines, three hundred collapsible caltrops, a pair of chopsticks with poisoned tips, and a dozen smoke bombs. Though to the average person this would seem outrageous, this array of weaponry was standard equipment for all ninjas.
Kado had relayed his story to the village elders. After a brief meeting, they had assigned him, one of their best agents, to track down the special cargo that the robots had stolen from the Rusty Guzzler. He was scheduled to head back to the robot base immediately.
Kado just got out the door before the armory exploded.

Enjoy.

[Hebes24]

Nice exit.